Obama Administration Challenges Coast Guard’s Use of Motorboating As Interrogation Technique »
WASHINGTON – According to White House sources, the Obama Administration has opened an investigation to question whether the Coast Guard’s recent use of motorboating as a method of interrogation should be classified as torture.
The highly provocative technique, which was approved along with a host of alternative procedures in 2002 by then National Security Adviser Condoleeza [...]
Popular Cash-For-Clunkers Program Extended to Nation’s Wives, Girlfriends »
WASHINGTON — In an effort to provide relief to millions of men stuck in loveless, lackluster relationships, the Senate voted Monday to extend the popular Cash-For-Clunkers program to the nation’s fleet of deteriorating wives and girlfriends.
The bill, expected to be signed into law by President Obama later this week, pays long-suffering husbands and boyfriends up [...]
National Weather Service Issues Flash Crosby, Stills & Nash Warning »
FARGO, ND – The National Weather Service issued a flash Crosby Stills & Nash warning on Friday after it was discovered that the aging rock band was looming over metropolitan Fargo for an impromptu show at the local amphitheater.
The warning, which spanned three counties, immediately drove thousands of residents to get into their cars and evacuate [...]
League of Women Voters Faces Harsh Dilemma: Get Fuckable Or Risk Dying Out »
WASHINGTON — The League of Women Voters, a champion of social reforms and voting rights since 1920, announced Monday that it has experienced such a sharp drop in membership recently that it’s certain to become extinct in the next decade.
While a portion of the decline can be attributed to the ever-shrinking equality gap, the losses [...]
Cash-Strapped HMO To Infect Otherwise Healthy Patients With Cholera, Tuberculosis »
OAKLAND, CA – Financially-plagued health care provider Kaiser Permanente announced an ambitious plan this week to infect otherwise healthy patients with vaccine-resistance strains of cholera and tuberculosis, diseases that have all but vanished from the landscape in the last century.
After reporting a net loss of $794 million in 2008 – a multi-billion dollar swing from [...]
Bed Bath & Beyond Coupon Stimulus Package Approved By Congress »
WASHINGTON—In a bid to jumpstart the ailing economy and boost sales at the nation’s top domestics and home furnishings superstore, Congress voted Monday to send Bed Bath & Beyond coupons to over 130 million American families this month.
The 20-percent off vouchers, which may be used at more than 880 Bed Bath & Beyond stores nationwide, can [...]
