Nintendo Stimulates Gamers With Highly Anticipated Wii Clit »
TOKYO – At a press conference Monday, Nintendo unveiled the highly anticipated Wii Clit, a revolutionary new accessory for the market-leading console that demonstrates how to make a woman orgasm. A specially designed remote employs motion sensor technology to capture each poke, caress, and thrust made with its vagina-contoured control pad.
“Our main premise in designing [...]
Procter & Gamble Unveils Line Of Downy Syndrome Laundry Products »
CINCINNATI, OH — Procter & Gamble introduced a new line of Downy detergents and fabric softeners on Monday touted to be the first products specifically designed to handle the clothes of children with Down Syndrome.
“It’s hard enough to raise any child these days, let alone one with special needs,” Downy CEO Rick June said during [...]
Lane Bryant Scientists One Preservative Away From Edible Shoulder Pads »
NEW YORK — In a move expected to revolutionize the snacking habits of plus-size businesswomen everywhere, scientists for retail chain Lane Bryant announced Friday that they are one preservative away from releasing the edible shoulder pad.
Sources close to the clothing store’s laboratories, best known to date as the birthplace of the WiFi Girdle and the [...]
Nordstrom Rack Cafe Gives Shoppers Last Chance At Food »
SEATTLE, WA — Department chain Nordstrom announced the opening of a new line of cafes inside its popular Rack stores this week that will serve remnants of meals left on customer’s plates at in-store restaurants in addition to discontinued and expired menu items.
The Rack Cafes consist of a single counter in the back of the [...]
Google Earth Wouldn’t Finish That Sandwich If It Were You »
33° 26′ N, 112° 1′ W — This is Google Earth, the virtual globe, map and geograpic information program. I map the Earth by the superimposition of images obtained from satellite imagery, aerial photography and GIS 3D globe.
Put the sandwich down.
Kashi Introduces New Breakfast Cereal Made of Twigs & Branches »
LA JOLLA, CA – Kashi, the nation’s leading manufacturer of whole grain breakfast products, held a press conference Monday to unveil its newest cereal, Kashi ® Forest Debris, which the company touted as having “that all natural, mouth-watering taste of crispitty, crunchetty leaves, twigs and branches.”
“We have combed forests all over the world to find only [...]
Bed Bath & Beyond Coupon Stimulus Package Approved By Congress »
WASHINGTON—In a bid to jumpstart the ailing economy and boost sales at the nation’s top domestics and home furnishings superstore, Congress voted Monday to send Bed Bath & Beyond coupons to over 130 million American families this month.
The 20-percent off vouchers, which may be used at more than 880 Bed Bath & Beyond stores nationwide, can [...]
Accountant Suffers Devastating Case of H&R Block »
KANSAS CITY, MO — Russ Smyth, CEO of the nation’s leading tax preparation firm, reported Monday that he has been diagnosed with a case of H&R Block, a rare type of amnesia involving the temporary loss of any and all accounting skills. The phenomenon has not just rendered him completely useless at his job; it has also permeated his [...]
Stouffer’s Introduces the Chicken Pot Pool »
CLEVELAND, OH — Stouffer’s has come up with an innovative way for families to relax and unwind together while enjoying a home cooked meal.
“As Americans are struggling to put food on the table and spend quality time with their children, Stouffer’s is proud to present the Chicken Pot Pool,” said E. Michael Moone, President and [...]
