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	<title>the DEADPAN</title>
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	<description>A Different Handle on the World</description>
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		<title>A-Rod: The Only Performance-Enhancing Drug I&#8217;ve Ever Taken Is ExtenZe™</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=2609</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=2609#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 18 Feb 2010 09:05:33 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Sports]]></category>

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TAMPA, FL – NY Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez presented new details yesterday about testing positive for drugs in 2003, saying his cousin injected him repeatedly with the over-the-counter, all-natural male enhancement product ExtenZe.
Facing the media for the first time since admitting the use of performance-enhancers, Rodriguez appeared nervous and emotional as he discussed taking the [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Nintendo Stimulates Gamers With Highly Anticipated Wii Clit</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=2582</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=2582#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 10 Feb 2010 02:37:23 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[,]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Business & Tech]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[TOKYO – At a press conference Monday, Nintendo unveiled the highly anticipated Wii Clit, a revolutionary new accessory for the market-leading console that demonstrates how to make a woman orgasm.  A specially designed remote employs motion sensor technology to capture each poke, caress, and thrust made with its vagina-contoured control pad.
“Our main premise in designing [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Area Fetus Given Pink Slip Amidst Nation&#8217;s Economic Woes</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=965</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=965#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:58:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Local]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[WEST COVINA, CA – According to sources, a fifteen-week old fetus was laid off earlier today today, yet another victim of the ongoing economic downturn.
The fetus was notified by its manager, local teen Lauren Correo, that it would need to pack its things and vacate the uterus by 5:00 PM.
The 17 year-old high school junior [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Obama Administration Challenges Coast Guard&#8217;s Use of Motorboating As Interrogation Technique</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=1295</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=1295#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Feb 2010 10:33:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[National]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON – According to White House sources, the Obama Administration has opened an investigation to question whether the Coast Guard&#8217;s recent use of motorboating as a method of interrogation should be classified as torture.
The highly provocative technique, which was approved along with a host of alternative procedures in 2002 by then National Security Adviser Condoleeza [...]]]></description>
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		<title>War-Torn Cybill Shepherd Declared Federal Disaster Area</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=917</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=917#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 07 Feb 2010 22:26:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Photo Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Cybill Shepherd]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Natural Disaster]]></category>

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		<title>Procter &amp; Gamble Unveils Line Of Downy Syndrome Laundry Products</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=1285</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=1285#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 07 Feb 2010 06:45:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Business & Tech]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[CINCINNATI, OH  &#8212; Procter &#38; Gamble introduced a new line of Downy detergents and fabric softeners on Monday touted to be the first products specifically designed to handle the clothes of children with Down Syndrome.
&#8220;It&#8217;s hard enough to raise any child these days, let alone one with special needs,&#8221; Downy CEO Rick June said during [...]]]></description>
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		<title>Everything You Own In A Box To The Left</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=789</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=789#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 06 Feb 2010 20:23:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Photo Briefs]]></category>

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		<title>Despite Mom&#8217;s Meteoric Rise, Trig Palin Still Retarded</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=17</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=17#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:30:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Photo Briefs]]></category>

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		<title>Miley Cyrus Flashes Vicious, Man-Eating Shark Teeth At TMZ Reporter</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=889</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=889#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:21:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Photo Briefs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Miley Cyrus]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Shark Teeth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMZ]]></category>

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		<title>Soda Jerk Actually Pretty Nice Guy</title>
		<link>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=29</link>
		<comments>http://thedeadpan.com/?p=29#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 02 Feb 2010 23:13:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Josh</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Photo Briefs]]></category>

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