TOKYO – At a press conference Monday, Nintendo unveiled the highly anticipated Wii Clit, a revolutionary new accessory for the market-leading console that demonstrates how to make a woman orgasm.  A specially designed remote employs motion sensor technology to capture each poke, caress, and thrust made with its vagina-contoured control pad.

“Our main premise in designing the Wii Clit was to educate men and women alike in how to stimulate the clitoris properly,” creator Shigeru Miyamoto told reporters through a translator.

Miyamoto, the legendary game designer behind Mario and several other iconic Nintendo characters, was shocked to learn several years ago that he rarely, if ever, brought his wife to orgasm.  After learning a variety of techniques to help her climax, he began tracking his performance.

Charting his progress was fun, said Miyamoto.  He wanted to find a way to share his newfound knowledge with other hardcore gamers, many of which have probably never heard of a clitoris, let alone seen a woman naked.

The Wii Clit package, which will retail for $59.99, comes with a controller, scented candle, condoms, and lubricant.  Also included is an introductory title, Wii Gettin’ Laid, in which players can learn about and design their own on-screen vaginas.

Nintendo has incorporated some of its most popular characters to date into the first few games that will be compatible with the unit:

Super Mario Lovers — Mario makes his way through eight arduous Mushroom Kingdom worlds filled with sex tips  from Goombas, Koopa Troopas, and  Buzzy Beetles.  Inside the eighth castle, Mario has a final showdown with King Koopa and frees Princess Toadstool, but not before delivering a long-awaited, mind-blowing series of orgasms.

Legend of Zelda: The Adventures of Kink — Our protagonist, Link, is on a quest to save Princess Zelda, who has fallen under a deep sleep after yet another round of intercourse that came nowhere near reaching orgasm.  As Link traverses the various environments of Hyrule, he collects rupees and consults shopkeepers and enemies alike to learn enough bedroom techniques to keep his lady going for awhile.  After defeating the final villain, Ganon, Link deflowers the princess.  “Zelda comes so hard,” boasts Miyamoto, “that the tri-force nearly shatters into a thousand tiny pieces.”

Donkey Shlong: The classic angry ape may have a huge penis, but that doesn’t mean he knows how to use it.  Mario is able to learn a great deal from Donkey Kong’s shortcomings in the bedroom.

Relationship expert Dr. Drew Pinsky had the opportunity to test the Wii Clit recently and offered high praise for the product.

“As I constantly remind my listeners, approximately 70 percent of women do not come from intercourse alone,” said Pinsky, “so it’s essential to focus on the clitoris to easily trigger orgasms.”

Dr. Drew, who dispenses similar advice nightly on his radio show Loveline, expanded on the benefits of Nintendo’s latest Wii peripheral.

“Most women like their clit touched in one of two ways: a constant tapping or a distinct circular motion,” he said.  “The Wii Clit is revolutionary in that it not only teaches men how to pleasure women but it also encourages women to learn how to satisfy themselves.”

Though not yet released in stores, the Wii Clit has already inspired Nintendo’s biggest rivals to produce a similarly-themed peripheral of their own.  Cock Band, available for the PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360, lets players practice fellatio on over 40 penises from around the world.