WASHINGTON –Vice President Joe Biden announced today that he will bottle and sell a homemade, all-natural salad dressing to raise money for a hefty stimulus plan of his own to rival the $787 billion package signed into law by President Obama last month.

“Biden’s Own” will donate all profits and royalties after taxes to an ambitious package of additional federal spending and tax cuts designed to revive the economy and save millions of jobs. The organic, family-recipe dressings will roll into supermarkets later this month.

“There’s nothing ostensibly wrong with President Obama’s stimulus package,” said Biden. “But there’s probably at least a 30 percent chance that this is not the correct approach. My dressings, on the other hand, carry a 100% satisfaction guarantee and pair well with a pasta Bolognese and a nice Chianti.”

Proceeds from the label’s signature variety, Blue Cross Blue Cheese, go toward making health insurance universally affordable and accessible. Another flavor, Creamy Bankruptcae-sar, helps homeowners avoid foreclosure.

“Now if there’s one thing we can be sure of it’s that Barack Obama is not a radical Muslim who refuses to recite the Pledge of Allegiance,” said Biden. “But eight years after 9/11, are we any closer to finding Osama bin Laden? I don’t know, but my Islamic Vinaigrette raises funds to combat terorrism and can be used as a marinade over chicken breast, grilled steak or even pork tenderloin.”

Rounding out the Biden’s Own line are Independence From Foreign Oil & Vinegar, which promotes alternative fuels and the reduction of carbon monoxide emissions, and Thousand Dollar Island, an instant tax rebate redeemable with specially-marked bottle caps.

When asked about his the rival stimulus package during a prime time press conference later in the day, a visibly annoyed President Obama shook his head and sighed heavily.

“I don’t know exactly what the vice president is attempting here,” Obama said to reporters. “Our country faces the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, and Joe thinks he can solve the problem with a bake sale.”

White House officials confirmed that this is just the latest in a long line of “get rich quick” schemes to come from the vice president’s office. Earlier this month, Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel had to put the kibosh on Biden’s recommendations for a mandatory nationwide Oscar pool and plans to stage High School Musical with congressional pages.